The Demented Cheerleader

Lazybutt

2011-03-30T22:59:00.001-05:00

I got this new phone. It's superfancy. Right now, this post is coming FROM THE PHONE HOLY SHIT BRO. It's a heady feeling. Tonight I spent the better part of two movies downloading a bunch of apps for the phone. All hail the phone. I got one that takes pictures and makes them look like shitty old polaroids. Progress! Another that figures out restaurant tips for me. Bad at math! Another that turns the camera flash into a kickbutt flashlight. Actually kinda useful!

Soon, our phones will be able to produce food and wipe our asses, and render all human contact obsolete. I don't need to visit gramma, when there's a Virtual Granny app for that!*

All hail the phone.

*not an actual app...yet

Hay guize!

2010-07-30T23:14:00.002-05:00

I am proud to have made my first post over at WildClaw Theatre's Blood Radio. It's a happenin' hub for all things horror: not just film, but stage productions (something WildClaw simply excels at), books, art, events (mostly in the Chicago area, heads up on that, but also horror conventions and gatherings) and a host of other great schtuffs. So get yo' ass over there and check it out, and don't just do it because I'm the newest contributor to the site!*

*but you better, or I'll bust up your face.

Confessions of a Job-Seeker, Two

2010-07-28T22:21:00.002-05:00

There is a numerical threshold of tolerance that one person can handle for watching consecutive episodes of "The Golden Girls." That number is three. After that, you are ready to strange Blanche.

Confessions of a Job-Seeker, One

2010-07-27T11:05:00.001-05:00

I'm apparently a pretty big fan of children's programming when I don't have a job. But I will kill the first Wiggle I see in person.

A Length of Rope

2010-06-04T22:28:00.010-05:00

Alfred Hitchcock's 1948 thriller Rope is one of his most curious films: the murder happens right at the beginning, so there's no whodunit aspect. The killers are obviously hiding something; their actions scream suspicion, although it's difficult to judge them as being anything but suspicious, since we know they did it. The biggest draw of the film is that Hitchcock attempted to make it seem as though Rope was filmed in one continuous, real-time shot, a trick that might have worked save for a handful of cuts and awkward shots that go into a close-up of a character's back, and then reverse out.

Awkward is actually a good word for Rope. The film doesn't work very well as a real thriller, and it's hard to buy nice-guy everyman Jimmy Stewart as a believer in the art of murder. Even the gimmick of the continuous shot falls a bit flat, making the whole film seem too stagey. To be fair, it was Hitchcock's intent to make the film seem more like a stage production than a typical Hollywood production, but this works slightly against the film's favor rather than for it.

It's a stiff film. You can definitely sense the tight choreography the actors had to perform in filming ten minute takes around an enormous, constantly moving camera and set. Stewart, as Rupert Cadell, is quite out of his element here, and his performance shows how uncomfortable he seemed with the role of the killers' former headmaster, who inadvertently sells them on the idea of murder. He plays the part more detective than anything, and his turn at the end when he finds what his teachings have brought about seems far too abrupt to be believable.

John Dall as Brandon, the braggart of the two killers, overplays his hand quite a bit here. Everything about him screams "HE DID IT," which is kind of the point. He clearly wants to show off his perfect murder; although he tries very hard to keep calm, he's positively giddy with excitement. However, it's difficult to watch the other characters seem so oblivious. Not to mention, the character is pretty much an asshole. He isn't likable in any respect, not even possessing the charm so many of the other characters attribute to him.

The film's real highlight is Farley Granger as Phillip, who is much more fidgety and visibly upset than Brandon. However, he seems far more sympathetic, as we get the impression that he's so enamored of Brandon that he's been somewhat unwillingly caught up in this murderous game, even though he is the one who commits the actual deed. Indeed, the characters of Brandon and Phillip are based upon Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb, two University of Chicago students who murdered 14-year-old Bobby Franks in what they thought was the "perfect crime," and who were also lovers.

Rope tones down much of the homosexual subtext of the original stage play, mostly to keep the Motion Picture Production Code authorities at bay. although it's still clear that Phillip and Brandon have a relationship that goes beyond friendship. Also toned down, to the point of being non-existent, is the fact that Cadell is also gay. Indeed, upon hearing that his character is gay, Stewart was surprised, much to screenwriter Arthur Laurents' delight.

Something that was not to Laurents' delight, however, was the fact that Hitchcock made the decision to show the murder at the beginning of the film. The screenwriter had wanted much of the film's suspense to ride on the fact that the audience didn't know for sure if there was a body in the book-chest or not. It certainly would have given a far different tone to the film, and likely made the two killers far more intriguing characters, rather than them being just smug or pathetic.

Overall, Rope isn't the worst of Hitchcock's films, but it isn't one of his greatest either. It exists mostly as a curiosity, an exercise in form, with a few touches of his signature black humor throughout - the idea of celebrating a murder and serving a feast on the victim's coffin is darkly amusing - but overall, it's far too uneven to be considered a masterpiece.

Doubling Down: A KFC Adventure

2010-04-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

Well, folks. Someone out there has to take one for the team, and why not me? Today's adventure is the Double Down from KFC.

I first heard about KFC's latest abomination a couple weeks ago, when they revealed that yes indeed they were legitimately going to be selling the sandwich made of two boneless chicken breast fillets, pepper jack cheese, two strips of bacon and something called the "Colonel's Sauce." Ew.

In retrospect, I should have gotten just the sandwich, if one can call it that, and not the combo meal, which includes a drink and potato wedges. My problem with many combo meals is that I eat the fries first, because I hate cold fries. Mistake! Big mistake! This slip-up almost done me in.

When I got home, I opened the box containing the abomination. There sat the Double Down, in a thin layer of grease. It looks like a dare. It smells like a dare. It tastes like the USA. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're fat. USA! USA! USA!

The sandwich itself is tasty and meaty. It could actually use a little more cheese, because the pepper jack provides a spiciness to the overall package. Also, and this goes without saying, there could be a little more bacon. Two tiny strips get lost in all that chicken. Four strips would probably be perfect. The "Colonel's Sauce" is a complete mystery, and should probably remain that way. I can't tell if it adds anything or not.

The first couple bites were "handheld," but the sandwich is rather large and greasy, so sadly I had to resort to a knife and fork method. This doesn't take anything away from the experience, aside from having to use less napkins/paper towels. Knife and fork = better for the environment. Also, you get a better-looking cross section of the thing.

About 3/4ths of the way through, I noticed a rumbling in my gut area, and had to pause to take an urgent bathroom break and have a personal double-down. After a walk around the apartment and a few more sips of Pepsi, it was back to the abomination.

All in all, it took about an hour to complete the Double Down, which is about what I expected. There was no way for me to plow into a sandwich of this magnitude. I feel pretty good about completing it, but that may be calling the putt early. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, call the authorities. I love you all, and it's been a wild ride.

Peace.

Avatar, Precious, Glory Holes, Lucifer: totally random thoughts, yo!

2010-02-08T16:55:00.005-06:00

1. There are two movies out now that have generated a lot of buzz from critics and audiences alike: Avatar and Precious. I have no interest in either film. Avatar appears to be all gimmick, all visual and no story. I don't feel like investing that much time in a movie that isn't going to bother telling me a good story. I am not so easily dazzled by your supposedly stunning visuals. Also, I'm irritated by all the awards it is receiving. Really, guys? Best Picture nomination to a movie that is basically Pocahontas with giant Smurfs?

Precious looks to me to be just another story about a beat-down fat girl, all wrapped up in a stereotypical view of life in the inner city. It seems to be the kind of movie white people go see to feel better about themselves, terribly manipulative and overly miserable. I'm glad that there's a movie out there with a protagonist that we've never seen before, but Precious looks to be too over the top for my taste. Isn't this the kind of thing I could see on Lifetime, if Lifetime bothered to make movies that had black people in them?

2. Duncan Donuts has a contest to create a new donut. I propose the Glory Hole Donut, white frosting with red and blue sprinkles, and a picture of Sarah Palin on each one. Haha, political humor is funny. :|

3. I've been thinking a lot about Lucifer lately. His name means light-bearer, and he was known as the Morning Star. He apparently loved God so much that he refused to bow down before God's creation, Man. For this he was cast into the pit. How arrogant is Man to look at Lucifer as evil, when he loved God above all else? Should Man not do the same as Lucifer? Weird, weird thoughts...

IT'S TAX SEASON RAGE TIME.

2010-01-28T15:52:00.002-06:00

RAGE MOTHERFUCKERS.

I am confuse. How does someone without gainful employment (not working, not getting unemployment, not getting SSI or food stamps - NADA) and currently living at the local Econo Lodge (no shit) get a refund anticipation loan check of over $3600? This is something that has always bothered me about working for this place, among countless other things: how does this happen? WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?

I want to call some of these places and ask them just how a customer can get that much money. Because I am pissed. Because I am JEALOUS.

This doesn't feel real

2010-01-12T13:20:00.002-06:00

This morning brought the news that one of my fellow horror gals passed away yesterday afternoon, after struggling with a failing liver. It's starting to sink in now, but it still doesn't feel quite real. Maybe it's because I never got to meet her face-to-face. We talked over email and Skype and IMDb's horror boards, where we met. That doesn't make her any less of a friend.

I'm angry. Angry that there wasn't enough time to meet 'in real life.' Angry that it didn't seem like she was given a fair shake. Angry that there's nothing to do about it now. It isn't fucking fair. It isn't fair to anyone who knew her, whether it was just online or in the flesh.

More than that, I'm sad. I'm sorry for her family and friends. This is a crushing blow to IMDb's horror community, to the horror chicks on FB, and to everyone who knew her, even if we couldn't meet her.

Rest in peace, in true peace, Sunny Jennifer. Love always.

Rock Band Obsession

2010-01-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

It's getting serious. I gotta talk about it all the time. I'm still playing at the 'Easy' level, but I'm so addicted to playing the drums, I do it every night. I got a band started on there called Bitchsnatch, but it's just me and an ever-revolving lineup of singers and guitarists. So far, Bitchsnatch has conquered Chicago (our hometown) and New York, and now we're working on Boston.

I need more local friends who can play guitar to join my band, or to start a new band. As much as I love pounding away on those drums, it's more fun to show off those MAD DRUMMING SKILLZ with other people around.

Anyhow, a typical set list goes as such: a little Elvis Costello, either Paramore or Panic At The Disco, something challenging like that Chop Suey song, and always close it with "Livin' On A Prayer." ALWAYS. It's good times.

Froooo-eee...POP*

2010-01-06T16:54:00.003-06:00

Man. I've lost some weight lately. I won't list sizes because people will say "are you complaining? I'd love to lose weight like that/be that size again," when I'm not even complaining, I'm just saying. ANYWAY. I dropped two (or three, I don't know how it goes) sizes in around a year, maybe less. I don't bother weighing myself so I don't know when it started to happen. The point is, part of me kind of worries about it, because while I don't think I changed my diet much, there must be something different going on. I think it's because I'm cutting back on boredom eating. If I'm sitting down and watching TV or a movie, I feel like I should have something to eat. I could have had a huge meal beforehand, but it's that theater reflex kicking in, saying, "you want some popcorn," or "wouldn't ice cream sound great?"

TANGENT: I've also recently developed something of a lactose intolerance, which fucking sucks, because I love ice cream and milk. I suppose it's time to get those lactaid pills or whatever. In fact, discovering this makes me crave ice cream even more, which is totally fucking annoying. END TANGENT.

So I cut out the boredom eating. But still I wonder, is that all there is? Someone made a joke about a tapeworm and I think back to the time I ate that raw beef** and wonder some more. But still. I'm not complaining, especially because I'm back into pants that I was wearing in college. I feel healthy, and I like that I shed the pounds I never wanted to begin with, but still...how did it happen?

* title has no relevance to post, it's just a phrase that's been stuck in my head all damn day.

** That didn't happen. But still...tapeworm?

One Lovely Blog!

2010-01-05T15:31:00.003-06:00

Man, here's a kick in the pants: I found out today that I've been awarded the 'One Lovely Blog' award by Brian Soloman, who runs the totally kick-ass Vault of Horror. The award is sort of like a pay-it-forward award, in that you can in turn pass it along to a fellow blogger or bloggers. NEAT! So, I got that going for me. Thanks B-Sol, you are a Righteous Dude! Now, if I can only figure out how to post the award along the side...

I'm going to pass along the award to a new project I've been involved with, Dreams in the Bitch House. It's all about horror, all written by women who love horror. We've done some podcasts, too, so check those out as well!

In other news, I haven't updated this thing since September, so here's a rundown of Crap That's Happened:

I am still gainfully employed. Same shitty job. It's getting even more tedious, though. I think the whole payday loan business is just eating at my brains like a hungry zombie. Morally, I can't swing it much more, and basically I'm just filling a spot here until my lease runs up. Then it's the sweet taste of freedom!

All major holidays, including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's were pleasant and filled with friends, family and loved ones. No major injuries; well done, everyone.

I GOT ROCK BAND FUCK YEAH. Now I can play the drums to my heart's content, neighbors be damned. I think I got the easy level pretty much under my thumb, now it's a matter of tackling medium. That shit is tricky, so much love to real drummers who can hit the footpedal, toms, and cymbals at the same time. Also, when I was learning some of the songs, I'm pretty sure I heard Bun E. Carlos and Neal Peart spinning in their graves.* Oof.

In a related note, I have an XBox 360 now. What does one do with that besides play ROCK BAND? I don't know. I don't have a dick to put in it, so I guess me and the XBox are at an impasse until further notice.

Welp, I guess that's it for now. I am on Twitter and Facebook, so you can find me there. Be sure to let me know how you found me, otherwise I'll probably reject your fool ass from being a friend.

* JOKE. They aren't dead as of this writing.

Rant about dumbfuck people who don't listen

2009-09-29T14:02:00.003-05:00

I am sick and tired of people who do not listen when I speak. When I tell you the four requirements to take out a loan, don't give me three of them and expect that I'll give you the loan on the understanding that you'll bring me that fourth piece of information when you feel like it. That is not how this works.

Also, when I ask you to provide further information for me to process your loan, you can either comply politely, or get the fuck out. The more attitude you give me, the less willing I am to help you. If your bank statement shows that your account has been overdrawn for more than 60 days straight, I am going to need a letter or document from the bank showing that your account is still open. Most banks can close your account if it has been overdrawn for 30 days straight, so I'm just ensuring that you are not trying to take out a loan on an account that is closed and that I cannot collect on should it get sent to the bank.

If I ask for something and say that you need to have it with you to originate a loan, you better have it with you. Don't sass me, don't say you'll provide it later, don't give me any fucking attitude about it, or I will find a way to turn you down for this loan. I don't have to play nice if you won't do me the same courtesy.

I've been on a major Peter Gabriel kick of late

2009-09-19T20:08:00.002-05:00

There are few performers to whom I can listen to their entire body of work over and over. One is, of course, The Beatles. Everyone loves The Beatles, sometimes to the point where everyone hates them, if that makes sense. Another is Genesis, which leads me to my latest musical obsession: Peter Gabriel. I've been obsessed for a while, don't get me wrong. When I was a kid, like a lot of people, I really dug "Sledgehammer" and "Big Time," probably because the videos were just so iconic and back then music and videos went hand in hand.

But in college, I picked up Shaking The Tree, which is one of Gabriel's greatest hits compilations. One of the first songs that struck me on the CD was "San Jacinto." It absolutely haunted me; it's a song that resonates as both quite simple yet alarmingly complex. "Red Rain," "Mercy Street," and the chilling "Family Snapshot" also captured my interest. At that time, his albums were being remastered and re-released on CD, so I grabbed them when I could. A whole new musical world was opened to me. I even used his song about Steven Biko in a class presentation about South Africa and apartheid.

I also credit my love of Gabriel, and of early Genesis, to my friend Matt. He was incredibly generous and gave me copies of every Genesis CD from the Gabriel years. He also took me to see a Genesis tribute band called The Musical Box, when they performed in entirety The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. It was intense and thrilling, although I recall the drive home being long and exhausting. But it was another door opening to me.

I finally got around to uploading all my Gabriel CDs to iTunes, revisiting them after a few years. His first album still has shades of his work with Genesis tinging the edges, but it shows a wide variety of styles. His second album is not as accessible, which may be partially due to the album's producer, Robert Fripp of King Crimson. It's a lot of weird. But on his third album, he completely comes into his own. It's cohesion in audible form. His fourth, known as Security in the U.S., works very well as a follow-up to the previous album. So, his most commercially recognizable record, may sound like a sell-out to some fans, but it has some highlights aside from the singles. Us is a harder album to enjoy from start to finish, probably just for serious fans only (like his second album). Up is remarkably good and marks a return to his earlier sound.

Right now I'm listening to his live album from 1982. I would have loved to have seen him perform back then. He is one of those rare artists who sounds as good on stage as he does in the studio. A lot of people pass him off as just another artist from the 1980s, but his music is timeless to me. It sounds just as fresh as it probably did to people listening for the first time in the late 1970s and early 1980s. If people ever ask me for music recommendations, I tell them they have to own his third album. It's the perfect launch into a remarkable musical artist.

Wisdom from alt.slack

2009-08-25T15:14:00.002-05:00

"I like friends who have enough respect for me to keep their goddamned distance."

That comes from Rev. Susie The Floozie's ex-husband.

I like that. A lot.

Good news bad news

2009-08-10T15:01:00.002-05:00

The good news: the bite splint I have to get to prevent me from grinding my teeth down to nothing at night while I sleep is only going to cost me $134 instead of the $400 I originally thought.

The bad news: my car needed $800 more worth of repairs, this time to replace the struts entirely, as well as the rear brakes and some other minor tweaking. This on top of $700 from fixing the HVAC system and the power steering just over a month ago. I don't think the car is worth $1500, but I can't afford a new car payment at the time. Too bad it doesn't qualify for that government trade-in program, or I'd be all over that like flies on rice.

R.I.P. John Hughes

2009-08-06T17:08:00.002-05:00

So part of my formative years is gone. John Hughes, writer-director of such 1980s classics as The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Planes, Trains and Automobiles, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off (among so many others) has died of a heart attack. I will definitely be honoring his memory tonight by watching one of my favorite films he wrote, Uncle Buck.

Rest in peace, Mr. Hughes. Thanks for having a lot more understanding of teenagers and their social structures and how outcast they could feel within those structures than anyone else in modern entertainment. It really meant a lot.

I sleep a lot

2009-07-30T11:36:00.002-05:00

The last two evenings, I've come home from work and slept for two and three hours. That wouldn't be so bad if I were home at five in the evening, but I get home around seven. Sleeping until ten, just to go to bed an hour later, doesn't seem quite healthy to me. The last time I did this, that I can remember, is when I was a teenager. I would come home from school at about three, sleep until seven, eat dinner, then go back to bed about an hour later. But teenagers need more sleep, because they are growing and changing.

Anyhow...it's just weird. If I plan on napping, I think I better set an alarm.

Three strange things I've recently remembered

2009-07-28T12:13:00.003-05:00

One: I once went to a house party for Arbonne, and the girl who was selling the products told us that we should all be having three poops a day because each time we eat, it should push the previous meal out of our bodies. Thankfully, two medical professionals were on the scene to correct this poor girl.

Two: A former schoolmate of mine went missing shortly after we were out of high school. I think they found his body days later. It was as if he'd gone out walking along the creek, in the woods, and just died.

Three: My brother and I videotaped the neighbor kid and his friends smashing up some electronics in the driveway. While this alone wasn't particularly funny, the fact that we were listening to Genesis' "No Son Of Mine" and that their movements seemed to sync up with the song made it hilarious.

Twitter

2009-07-24T14:35:00.001-05:00

Lord save me, I started an account with Twitter. Username: pplsfrontjudea. I don't even know what I'll be doing with it, but there you are.

Inalienable

2009-07-24T10:13:00.005-05:00

I long for a day when all we need to discuss are human rights. I know this is a pipe dream, but I wish we were in a world where we didn't have to specify between groups of people, but rather where we could say "you are a human, so you deserve to be happy, healthy and safe" and that would be all. The world is a rainbow and there is so much diversity to be recognized, but at the core we are all flesh and blood and we all deserve equal treatment. It shouldn't matter what shade your skin is, or what your body looks like, or who you sleep with or fall in love with, or what your bank account balance is, or who you are on the inside or the outside. We are all breathing, alive, human.

Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness. It can't be any clearer than that.

The long road in working towards this goal is still ahead of us. There are so many challenges to face. It isn't going to be easy to get to this place, and we probably won't see it in our lifetime. But that doesn't mean anyone should give up trying. The easiest way to start is to look at every person you encounter as just that: a person. Not as a black person or a white person but a person. Not as a gay person or a straight person. Not as rich or poor, heavy or thin, even male or female. That doesn't mean to forget or cast aside that part of the person, but to look at them primarily as a fellow human, no greater or lesser than you.

I know this all sounds terribly naive. It is. But it's something I think about every now and then. I like the idea of breaking down boxes and compartments and getting everyone on the same level. I hope this also isn't taken as a "let's remove everything special and unique about ourselves and become faceless drones" message, either. I'm just thinking of a place where people aren't judged on their looks or their status, but on their hearts and deeds.

*sigh*

Eating habits die hard

2009-07-23T19:38:00.002-05:00

I have terrible eating habits. Simply atrocious. It's always been this way for me, though. I was a picky eater as a child. Then it was discovered that I have problems with hypoglycemia, which means that I'll likely become a diabetic. I've never been one to follow the 'three meals a day' plan; rather, I prefer to pick and nibble throughout the day, which has actually become a recommended way to eat (I think the standard is six small meals). But what I choose to eat is usually just awful. Today, for example, I had the following:

One blueberry toaster waffle
A banana
Two paper coffee filters worth of cheesy poofs
Three or four small cups of crapple (cranberry apple) juice
Pretzel snaps dipped in extra chunky peanut butter
44 oz. frozen cappuccino from the gas station

Later on, I'll probably end up having a bowl of salad and an apple. It doesn't sound completely terrible, but it just doesn't seem that healthy to me. This is actually the best I've eaten in a while, so bad example.

Many days, I end up eating nothing for breakfast, having a late lunch consisting of a Banquet frozen dinner and then maybe a pop tart for dinner. Emphasis on 'maybe,' there. This is probably the worst thing I can do for my body. I know I have to change it up, but I get stuck in food ruts and find it hard to get out of them. Like with the Banquet meals; they're ten-for-ten most of the time, so it's easy to buy a bunch of them to have for lunches, and it's easier than dealing with leftovers (when and if I ever have them).

I'm not much of a cook at this point, although if I just put some effort into it, I could be. I even have easy-to-follow cookbooks, one of which is totally suited towards someone like me. It's a five-ingredient cookbook, meaning all the recipes only have five or less ingredients to them. And all the ingredients are easy to find in your average supermarket. I just don't know what my problem is.

On the topic of virginity

2009-07-23T14:27:00.002-05:00

Recently, I posted a quiz result on Facebook that was based on the old slumber party game of Truth or Dare. The instructions were to either choose 'truth' or 'dare,' and then post the result on your profile. In your result are ten questions with the instruction to answer one of them truthfully in the post. The questions were your standard fare: do you have a crush on anyone, are you a bad kisser, have you ever farted in class, and so on. The last question was a fill-in-the-blank style where you could reveal any one truth about yourself that hadn't already been asked. I mistakenly answered the nine questions as truthfully as I could -- the bad kisser one threw me, because I've only kissed two people and neither of them said I was bad to my face, so I didn't know -- and on the tenth question I replied:

"...*deep breath*...I'm a virgin..."

It felt interesting to say it in a widespread public forum, and the responses I got were varied, from general surprise to "Dibs!" (which honestly cracked me up, since it was to be expected at some point, and the friend who said it is a sweet guy who means no harm) to "I'm a virgin, too." But the response that got me thinking the most was that virginity is bullshit. I agree to some extent. For myself, it doesn't matter anymore, although I sometimes wonder if I hold out much longer that the idea of what sex is in my mind will be far better than the actual act itself. I hope that made sense.

Anyhow, for many people, the idea that virginity is bullshit does not hold true. It is still a relatively important concept, particularly to those who believe that sex should be saved for marriage. I certainly cannot discount that as invalid, because it is a truth for someone else. I don't necessarily believe in it, clearly, but I also can't claim that it's bullshit. The myth of virginity or the concept of it is going to be different for every person. However, for my friend who says that virginity is bullshit, that is a truth for her, and I also can't discount that.

The whole point for me is this: I am a virgin. Is this a big deal? Not particularly. But it is a part of my life in some respect so it can't necessarily be thrown aside as just bullshit. It invokes a lot of questions about how I treat relationships and intimacy. The floor is now open for discussion.

It's Thursday! Not Wednesday!

2009-07-23T10:27:00.003-05:00

I swear, sometimes I think I am stuck in some kind of time loop. Last week, on Wednesday at around 3:30 pm, I realized that it was actually Thursday, not Wednesday. It freaked me out for two reasons: one, I became incredibly disoriented; and two, I didn't find out it was Thursday until 3:30 pm. 3:30 pm! The day is almost over at that point! I scrambled to think of how many times I'd told people it was Wednesday, only to have them wonder if I was feeling okay.

And today, it happened again! On the drive to work, I was thinking, "I can't believe it's only Wednesday. This week sure seems awfully long," when I passed an air quality sign that said "Thursday's Air Quality: Green." I almost stopped the car on the highway. Again? Again?! Am I causing a time shift somehow? Or am I experiencing some sort of mental breakdown? I would hope that it isn't the latter, although if I suggest it's the former to people, they're going to assume it's the latter anyhow.

What is all the commotion?

2009-07-22T21:22:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I think my upstairs neighbors like being loud just for the sake of being loud. It's not my thing. First of all, I live alone, so I don't have anyone to yell at/to. Second, I can take three steps without falling over or crashing into something. Okay, I don't know if that's exactly what they're doing up there, but it sure sounds like it. Third, when it's sexy time: a) it's just me so; b) it's not as bed-shakingly, floor squeakingly obnoxious.

I just don't get it. These aren't huge apartments. You can't tell me that it's impossible for the person/people you're living with to hear you in another room if you use a normal speaking voice. And if the other person is hard of hearing, then you can't tell me it's too hard to get up and go to that person to speak to them. Oh wait, I guess it is, since it seems you have a serious equilibrium problem.

And I'm not opposed to people having sex. But there are quiet hours here and they start around 10-10:30 pm. If you have the right to fuck like noisy animals, then I have the right to play 'Yakety Sax' at a similar volume level. Them's the rules.

The Memory Issue

2009-07-22T10:18:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been having noticable memory problems. For instance, today it seems that there was a specific reason I wanted to have this Saturday off, but for the life of me, I cannot remember why. I know it was something not two days ago I could remember. If you ask me what I wore on a certain day last week, I'd be unlikely to be able to tell you with any degree of accuracy. I wish I had more examples, but for the life of me, I can't even remember them. It's starting to weird me out.

Oh, I remember now...I have a dentist appointment Saturday morning at 8am. I wish I hadn't remembered that.

Today's Final Thought

2009-07-21T21:05:00.002-05:00

I hate it when the Internet is acting up. All I wanted to do was visit either XTube or Lush Stories to get a little porn fix for the night (what? Girls masturbate, too!) but nooooooo. And now that the Internet's working properly, the moment has passed and I'm not in the mood.

On second thought...

Worst Information Fishing Call Ever

2009-07-21T14:41:00.002-05:00

Well, it seems I'm going to be a blogging/posting/updating fool today. But I couldn't resist this one: occasionally, we are asked by upper management to get information from other similar businesses. Typically, this is an attempt to undercut them in rates or fees or services offered. However, when we're asked to do this, we have to ask under the pretense that we are potential customers inquiring about services, because most companies aren't going to share that information with competitors.

I just got a call from a local competitor who not only didn't bother to block their phone number (by the way, anyone can block their number by dialing *67; I don't know if this works on a cell phone or not), but they also stated where they were calling from. They wanted to know if we cashed live checks, and how many checks a month we cash. Apparently, they only cash about twenty checks a month, so they were wondering if it's because they're doing something wrong, or if it's because of the area we're in.

Gee. I'd say if you're calling a competitor for this information, then it's probably you who is doing something wrong. Just a guess.

Ask the Loan Shark: Churning and Installment Loans

2009-07-21T12:24:00.003-05:00

No more customers scheduled to arrive. Time for another discussion of payday loans...

Q: What is "churning"?

A: Churning is the practice of repeatedly paying off then borrowing back a loan. While it will more or less save you money opposed to refinancing two or three times, then paying off, then borrowing back, it still creates a cycle of debt that is hard to break once it gets started. Some payday loan companies force a 24- or 48-hour cool-down period before one can borrow again, but most do not. This means that if a loan is paid off, it can be taken back out immediately after. To break the habit of churning, and this can take a long time, wean yourself off the loan by borrowing less and less each time, even if you only go down by $10-25. Learn to budget your finances and make sacrifices where you can. You would be surprised to see what you can go without.

Q: What about installment loans? Are they a good idea?

A: Not at all; in fact, the interest rate on installment loans is typically much higher than on a standard payday or short-term (14 day) loan. The APY (annual percentage yield) is roughly 60-80% higher, meaning that if the APY on a payday loan is 460%, then the APY on an installment loan is likely to be 520% or more. While they sound like a good idea, because you can make six to ten even payments and be done with the loan, and you can typically borrow a higher amount than on a payday loan, they really are not. For example, on an installment loan broken down over ten payments, only a fraction of your payment actually goes to the principle. An installment loan for $1000 with ten payments of $239 means two things: one, only $100 of each payment actually goes to the principle; and two, if you pay off the loan strictly based on the scheduled payments and don't pay any extra or pay it off early, you're going to hand over a total of somewhere around $2390, more than twice what you borrowed. In other words, avoid installment loans whenever possible.

From 'The Gonzo Zombie's Film Journal': Going to the theater will never die for me

2009-07-21T11:30:00.001-05:00

I don't think people get it anymore. I'm not saying that buying DVDs are bad, or that renting a movie is silly or any such thing. I'm just saying that people don't appreciate actually leaving the house to go to the movies anymore. Granted, it's quite expensive to see a movie in the theatre these days (somewhere around $10, without popcorn), but aren't you paying for the experience as well?

There are some movie memories that will never die: there used to be a drive-in theatre about ten miles from where I lived as a child. It's hard to accurately describe the feeling of going there to see a double-feature--there was something thrilling and scary and overwhelming about it. Something that would make my heart jump into my throat and something that felt like home as well. When you got to the drive-in and paid the $4 per person and pulled into just the right spot and set up your blanket and chairs and snacks, you just felt the summer weather go right through your body as you listened to The Temptations sing "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)" on the pole speakers and you got a chill. When it got dark enough, you'd put on the car radio to the right station and see a few previews and some ads for local businesses (much like the Acuna Boys ad in the middle of Grindhouse) and then you'd watch the first feature, usually something family-friendly. Between films, you'd go to the garish neon-lit snack bar/bathroom/projection building and beg your mom for a candy bar or some stale popcorn in those red-and-white boxes. You could see the projector in the front, grinding away, showing everyone the commercial for the Marathon car wash that was "just down the street!" and you knew that it was. As you left the snack bar, you'd always try to put your hand in front of that smoky beam of light so that everyone at the drive-in could see your tiny hand amplified on the big screen. On the way back to the car, you stopped to talk to friends and neighbors, and maybe you ran up to the old rusty swingset to get in a few good rounds before the show started back up again. Once the second feature got started, you moved into the car because it got colder and you wanted to maybe doze a little, but before you knew it, the movie was over and the car was moving, getting in line to get out, and you strained so hard to watch the credits as the big screen became so obtuse you couldn't see it anymore. You begged to keep the radio station on as long as possible so you could hear next week's features, and when the car turned away from the drive-in, you craned your neck to keep watching the screen, watching it to see just one more minute, one more second of anything on that screen. Your heart would fall back into its original position once you were out of its sight and you would drift into sleep and dreams in the car going home again.

There is absolutely nothing like that experience. I try to chase that feeling whenever I can, going to the theatre to see a movie as often as I can afford it. Sometimes I'll forget what it's like, just briefly, to see a movie on a screen so big, but then I sit in that tiny dark room and it comes back to me like a head rush and I want to cry a little. I feel a tiny thrill and my heart leaps when the movie starts and I strain to hear the projector and smell the dust in the air and taste the stale popcorn and sense that feeling of childhood suckerpunch me in the gut.

You cannot know what it is like unless you have been there, but I hope that you can catch a taste of it sometime.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': fly away home, little one

2009-07-21T11:09:00.001-05:00

there is a time to just go home. the time is now. but then you have to come back, and i don't smoke, remember? oh my lord, i want to sleep so badly that it hurts.

rivers cuomo went to harvard. jesus christ.

in a fishbowl.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': elusive sleep and sweater cats

2009-07-21T11:08:00.002-05:00

(Note: I really like this one for some reason.)

it takes me so long to get to sleep. there is no tossing and turning or fidgeting. it is laying still and wishing for total darkness and silence. it dances over my head like the skull on the ceiling fan. there will be little rest for me until next year. i wonder if i can hold out that long. time moves very slowly when i want something to happen.

it is 11:47 at night and i need to be in bed. but i am not in bed. i cannot be in bed. i cannot even turn on the tv. i cannot rest. i am tired and wide awake. i think maybe i have insomnia. sometimes i will not sleep until three in the morning. i have to pee because someone is using the shower.

the sweater cats are making their annual appearance again. they will be in your town soon. they have invaded the apartment. argyle is the new black. the cats are angry about it and they hiss and growl and whine. they don't want it to be that time of year.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': a bit of a rattlesnake

2009-07-21T10:47:00.000-05:00

i think it feels really good to smoke. at least, it feels so good in my dreams. i've had dreams of smoking for the last two or maybe three years. the first of these dreams involved me searching and searching for cigarettes. i would have this dream where i was driving to the gas stations with the intent to buy, but then i would wake up before completing the sale. sometimes i would be carded and i realize i forgot my license. sometimes i wouldn't have enough money.

the next dreams would be me obtaining said cigarettes, and even opening the pack and smelling the tobacco, but something would keep me from actually lighting and smoking them. sometimes it would be that the lighter was broken, but sometimes it would be because the gas station was robbed while i was there and i had to hide behind a rack of chips. end of dream.

the more recent set of dreams finds me enjoying the cigarettes, finally. i take great pleasure from lighting and inhaling, sucking in this wonderful feeling of love and warm and peace. sometimes these dreams are so powerful that my first thought on waking up is that i need to go buy a pack of smokes so i can be as happy as i am in my dream. there have been times that i will go get gasoline for my car and have to force myself to pay at the pump because i know if i go inside i will buy cigarettes.

i have never smoked in my life. i don't plan on starting to smoke. but this urge is coiled so tightly inside me like a spring that sometimes i am so afraid that i will become a smoker and die like my grandfather.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': some days i get thoughts that run on

2009-07-21T10:46:00.001-05:00

they go for miles on end and sometimes my head will ache because i can't stop them enough to grab them and touch them and it makes me want to cry or sleep.

i think of films i've seen and books i've read and christmas and music and even the carpet sometimes. why isn't it cleaner? why am i lazy about the whole vacuum situation? does that mean i am defective in some miniscule way?

ugh. i want to maybe let my eyes fall out of my skull, because that is how it feels to have these thoughts that run on forever. i think my back is hurting too. maybe it is tired. maybe i should lie down and let everything slip away into some black void-a-ma-jig. but then i realize that my hair would be messed up and for some reason this will keep me awake until midnight. then i can't take it anymore and my eyes force me to sleep and i try to fight it and be angry about it but i just can't can't can't stay awake.

i think i need to just not go anywhere or do anything, but i always have places to go and things to do. it sounds lame to say no.

Such a slacker I am.

2009-07-21T10:37:00.002-05:00

Hi. Remember me? It's been a terribly long time since I've posted anything here. I decided to change the name. The url is still the same, but I was: a) tired of Bitch Snatch (it's still amusing, don't get me wrong), and b) I remembered that a former college professor once called me a demented cheerleader and it cracked me up.

It's quite true, you know. I am a demented cheerleader. I say it with a smile, even when "it" is something terribly morbid or disturbing. I think it gives me a little something extra, no?

Anyhow, I'll be importing some posts from the other blogs I have here, just so I can eventually delete the multiple blogs. They're sitting dormant anyhow.

Now on blip.fm!

2009-03-24T16:56:00.002-05:00

You can now find me on the Twitter-like music site blip.fm. My DJ profile is http://blip.fm/annadynamite.

In other news, I have a couple more reviews on Cult Reviews available to read. My page there is http://www.cultreviews.com/author/anna-mckibben/.

As usual, I am on alt.slack (http://groups.google.com/group/alt.slack/topics) as Rev. Anna Dynamite, and on IMDb as annamae3. I tend to stick to the Horror Boards there (http://www.imdb.com/board/bd0000024/threads/).

I'm pretty proud of myself, yes.

2009-02-10T16:09:00.004-06:00

I figured out the Mario Bros. theme song on my cell phone. Figured it out all by myself during a long day at work. It goes like this:

6664681-6412321-14675-642321

Now, it isn't perfect, because there isn't a full range of tones on a cell phone, but if you set your key tones to either piano or xylophone, it should work. Admittedly, this is kind of sad, but what else am I going to do for eight hours? Save the world?

Thoughts I would like to share about the Duggar family

2008-12-19T13:28:00.003-06:00

If you're not familiar with the Duggar family, please visit this page first. After that, please go here and here to see and hear my thoughts on this matter.

Thank you.

CultReviews(dot)com

2008-11-02T17:08:00.004-06:00

This pleases me.

There is a website that is dedicated to reviewing horror and cult films, both well-known and obscure. It's helmed by a couple of wonderfully mad gentlemen from the Internet Movie Database Horror Boards, which I tend to frequent. Gert and Joel know their stuff, and it's a great-looking, easy-to-navigate website. There aren't a lot of reviews at this time, but I expect it to grow a respectable amount over the next few months and beyond. This is my invitation for you to visit the site, browse around, and read the reviews.

Visit Cult Reviews here. I think you'll be as pleased as I. You may even see a familiar face there.

Ask the Loan Shark: How Much To Borrow?

2008-09-29T17:06:00.004-05:00

Part Two in an informational series on payday/short-term loans

Q: I need to take out a short-term loan, and I qualified for $400. I really only need $300, but that extra $100 would be nice for some spending cash. What should I borrow?

A: The absolute bare minimum. If you don't really need that extra $100, why borrow it? In fact, before you even go to the loan business, sit down and figure out everything you need to borrow for. Make sure you're not adding in unnecessary items, services or expenses. Call the company ahead of time and ask what their interest rates are so you know what the payoff will be on your due date. Make sure you can afford to pay it back before you even take it out. That extra $100 could end up costing you anywhere between $17 and $20 more come your due date. Can you really afford that?

Also, ask questions. Sometimes the company you borrow from won't clearly explain the terms of the loan, leaving you high and dry when it comes time to pay off. Know if you have extension days, if you can renew or refinance the loan (and how many times if so), your full payoff amount, and your due date. Don't leave without knowing exactly what you're getting into, and if you have questions after the fact, call the company before you are due to pay off. Don't get stuck in a situation you can't get out of because you didn't get all the information ahead of time.

He's looking at me. Oh god, now's he's pointing at me.

2008-09-26T13:26:00.003-05:00

Richard Simmons talks to you in his videos. I don't mean little pep talks, either. I mean, he will tell you that he is looking at you. Then if he's pointing, he will tell you that he is pointing at you.

Little coincidences

2008-09-23T17:51:00.003-05:00

Strange. I just called to check the balance on a prepaid gift card I received, and I have $31.01 left on the card.

I just entered a debit card purchase into my checkbook register.

I have $31.01 in my checking account.

Strange to know that all the money I have right now is $62.02.

This shouldn't be as funny as it is (Joker/Boner)

2008-09-16T15:53:00.002-05:00

Being a fan of many things Batman, I recently picked up a copy of The Joker: The Greatest Stories Ever Told. As the title might lead you to believe, it's a trade paperback collection of Batman comix featuring The Joker.

One story in particular, "Joker's Comedy of Errors," features the gross overusage of the word 'boner,' in this case meaning 'error' or 'blunder.' However, in this day and age, the word 'boner' implies something a little more. . .well. You should know.

Anyways, here are some of the best lines of dialogue from this tale. Read them and try not to weep with laughter:

Gotham Bulletin headline: "Joker Pulls Boner of the Year!!"

"So! They laugh at my boner, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!"

"This emphasis on boners has given me an idea for a new adventure in crime! Gotham City will rue the day it mentioned the word boner!"

Gotham Gazette headline: "Stung By His Boner, Joker Lashes Back!"

"Soon, Batman will make the boner of the year!"

"What does he mean, Bruce? How can he force you into a boner?"

"And I'm worried about the boner he's readying for you!"

"It is well that I am ready to trick him into his boner!"

"You were so busy forcing me into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!"

Rick Roll Timeline

2008-09-16T14:32:00.002-05:00

I have created the Rick Roll Timeline, but since the picture I post here will be tiny, I'll just give the outline:

--First rick-roll; people think it's funny
--Rick-rolling goes apeshit; unknown links are rendered virtually unclickable
--Rick-roll gets mention in major newspapers
--Rick-rolling declared "uncool" by Internet community
--Rick-rolling becomes media darling, earning time on VH1s Viral Video Countdown
--Rick-rolling makes comeback in ironic form
--Resurgence of rick-rolling causes mass riots and looting; end of world.

Ask the Loan Shark, part one

2008-09-10T19:03:00.003-05:00

I work in the payday loan business, and I often am asked about the mechanics of payday and short-term loans. Here is part one in a series of informational entries on these types of loans:

Q: When I take out a payday loan, what can I expect to pay back?

A: Since these loans are designed to be strictly and specifically short-term loans, the interest rate is staggeringly high. Typically, a payday loan's interest rate is around 15-20%, meaning that for every one hundred dollars you borrow, you can expect to pay back anywhere from $15 to $20. For fourteen to thirty days, that may not seem like a lot, but when you look at the APY (annual percentage yield), that number can be anywhere from 400-500%. You read that right. Upwards of five hundred percent interest. As a point of comparison, most credit cards carry an APY of about 20%.

Some payday loan companies offer refinance options per loan. When you refinance, you pay down a small percentage of the amount you borrowed (the principal), plus your finance charge (the interest). For instance, in Missouri you are required to pay down 5% of the principal along with the finance charge, and this allows you to extend the loan to your next pay date. Many places allow you to refinance two or three times before you have to pay off the loan. While this doesn't sound like a bad option, it can end up costing you much more than when you simply pay off the loan in full on the maturity date.

For example, let's say you borrow $100 at 18% interest in Missouri, making your full payoff on the maturity date $118. Not bad, but let's say you don't have the full $118 on your due date. You opt to refinance at this time, paying $5 plus the $18 finance charge - $23 total. This reduces your principal to $95, but remember, there is still interest between now and your next maturity date. Add this interest, and your new payoff amount is $112.10 ($95 plus 18% interest, which would be $17.10). Let's say your next maturity date comes around, and you still don't have the full amount of $112.10, so you opt to use another refinance. This time, you pay $5 towards your principal plus $17.10 - $22.10 total. Your new payoff is now $106.20 ($90 plus 18% interest, which is $16.20). Now, your next maturity date comes around, and you're still strapped for that $106.20. You decide to use your last refinance, paying out another $5 plus $16.20, so $21.20 total. Your final payoff will be $100.30.

Now this may look like a lot of numbers and symbols, but let's break it down in the most simple terms possible. You borrow $100. You refinance that $100 three times. By doing so, you've paid back a total of $166.30! It's a far cry from that $118 you could have paid back in total on your first maturity date, isn't it? When you refinance, most payday loan companies only require that you pay down that tiny fraction of your principal balance.

The two simple solutions are this: One, pay off your loan in full on the first maturity date. Don't refinance at all. The other solution: If you must refinance, put as much extra on the principal as possible. Don't settle for the bare minimum. Even if you can add an extra five to ten dollars, it will make a difference. The same goes for any kind of high-interest loan, including credit cards. If you simply pay the minimum, you won't create any real dent in your debt. Always pay extra when you can't pay it off.

Thoughts on the Saw franchise, thus far

2008-09-03T11:27:00.003-05:00

I'm not normally one for film series, especially if they go for more than three entries. To me, it becomes tedious, like a trial, to have to sit through story after story after story. Just finish the damn thing already. Now, I know no one forces me to watch these movies, but I'm the type of person who, once I start something, I tend to want to finish it, even if it kills me.

No genre is better at milking a franchise for all it is worth than the horror genre. To date there are eleven Friday the 13th movies, eight Nightmare on Elm Street movies, and eight Halloween moves (counting the third installment, which broke from the Michael Myers canon, and not counting the apparent relaunch of the series by Rob Zombie). There are also more than enough in the Hellraiser cycle. Admittedly, these are series that I don't feel obligated to finish. The first and eighth Jason movies, the first and seventh Freddy movies, and the first two Michael Myers movies were good enough for me. Those series just keep finding ways to not kill off the bad guys, and it becomes very tiresome after a while.

On the flip side, though, the Saw franchise has found a way to break the mold of constantly reviving the same antagonist, by eventually replacing the antagonist with a new character. This leads to the logical conclusion that the Saw series MAY NEVER END. Good lord.

The first installment in the Saw series was a decent and somewhat innovative take on the crime thriller genre. Despite what people say after the fact, the twist ending is something that was quite surprising. I certainly did not expect Jigsaw to be the guy who was "dead" on the bathroom floor. Saw II had an equally interesting twist; it also continued the temporal manipulation concept from the first film. In the first film, some of what we think are flashbacks are actually events that occur concurrently with the bathroom scenes. Similarly, in Saw II, what we think are two plots happening at the same time are actually not.

The third installment is a let down, especially after how good the second one is. I had zero emotional attachment to the characters, particularly the main protagonist. I simply did not care, and only thought of it as a way to get to the fourth film. Saw IV shows marked improvement over the previous entry, but doesn't compare to the first two. Apparently there are two more installments slated, with Saw V being released this year. Part of me hopes that the fifth entry is at least as good as the fourth, and that by the sixth the story is wrapped up.

However, if by the time I die, we're on Saw XLV, I wouldn't be surprised. I would just be bored.

Katy Perry: The New T.A.T.U.?

2008-09-02T12:32:00.002-05:00

I know that a commentary on someone who's first big single has been out for quite a while is sort of old news. However, I can't help thinking that this is really just long overdue.

Katy Perry's first single off her new album, One of the Boys, is an admittedly catchy pop tune called "I Kissed A Girl." Imagine my disappointment when I found that it wasn't a cover of Jill Sobule's cheeky 1995 track. No, this isn't a song about two women who realize that their relationships with men are going nowhere, and that they find a mutual attraction in each other. This new "I Kissed A Girl" is basically about a girl who just wants to experiment with another female after a night of drinking.

Okay, so there might not be anything really wrong with that, but doesn't it just kind of play into the typical male fantasy of two hot chicks at the bar making out for attention? That's not love. That's a slap in the face of lesbians everywhere. I don't mean to discount the fact that Perry's song gets heavy rotation in gay clubs across the nation, but there has to be people who are at least a little offended by this song. I'm not completely put off, but it just smacks of some drunk chick trying to get her boyfriend all hot and bothered by making out with another girl. There's even a line about her not being in love, but it's just an "experimental game." No, no, no, Katy. The word "game" here is what bothers me most. In the context of this song, you're playing a game with someone. There's nothing right or funny or cute about that. The video for the song is almost as offensive; women writhing around in lingerie, as if that's all lesbians ever do.

This all kind of reminds me of T.A.T.U. a few years ago. Remember them? They were a pair of Russian pixies who sang "All The Things She Said," a song about wanting to run away clandestinely with a lesbian lover. Nothing wrong with that, or with the sexually charged video featuring lots of kissing between the two girls. However, they were presented to the world as lesbian lovers, only to be revealed later as straight. This, to me, makes a mockery of lesbians everywhere, and it just goes back to that male fantasy of hot girls kissing.

This isn't to say that lesbians don't want to see hot girls kissing, but I would think if I were a lesbian I would want someone to give me enough respect to present me with music that wasn't about people playing at being a lesbian. Just be a lesbian and be proud of it. Don't be coy or an attention-seeker. Just be out with it.

Is it so sad?

2008-08-28T22:01:00.003-05:00

Is it so sad for me to eat dinner in a restaurant alone? Apparently, people at restaurants think it is.

This is not the first time I've been given pity looks when I am eating alone. Tonight, it was Cracker Barrel, a fitting name, since I only ever see white people eat there. That's not to say that any other race doesn't eat there, it's just that I never see 'em. Anyhow, this is about me. Eating alone. Getting pity looks from the hostess when she asks "How many?" Am I the only person who ever eats alone? I guess so.

It happened once before at a Denny's. When I told the hostess, "One, please," she even said "Really?" before catching herself in her incredulousness. I wanted to be rude, but I couldn't, because I was absofuckingloutely gobsmacked. I gave the waitress a good tip, though, because she was friendly and didn't treat me like some poor soul whose date stood her up or something.

Another time this happened, I was at the theater to see Grindhouse. This story is actually funnier than the other two. I was waiting in my seat for the show to start, and this lady with her two dude-pals sat next to me. Right away, she turned to me and asked me if I was alone. I said that I was. She said, "Oh, honey, that's so sad! All alone at the theater, no man to take you out." I replied that, in fact, all of my friends were either out of town or working and there was just no one to go to the movies with. She nodded and gave me a quiet "mmm-hmm" in understanding. Had she said only that to me for the whole night, I would have lumped it in with the sad stories. However, during the big reveal of a certain actor in Grindhouse, she turned to me, nudged my arm and said in a loud whisper "Bruce Willis, MMM-HMM!" That made my night, as well as the fact that she wished me a good night when the movie was over.

Why can't everyone be more like Bruce Willis Lady? Just. . .let me be alone at the theater or at the restaurant, enjoying myself with my favorite person.

Rant of the Day

2008-08-28T11:57:00.004-05:00

Guys, here is what is currently bothering me:

1. Call back ringtones. This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. No, I don't want to "please enjoy the music while my party is reached," only to hear the first 30 seconds of "Souljah Boy" over and over. I don't like your goddamn music, and I would never be so presumptuous to force anyone to listen to a song I like. And why put a song YOU like as your call back ringtone? Do you call yourself all the time and think "man, I picked an awesome song for other people to have to sit through while they try to call me"? Ma-hell no! If I had a call back ringtone, I would make it Harry Nilsson's "You're Breaking My Heart." If you don't know the lyrics, look them up. I think you will find them quite fitting.

2. Nancy Grace. Jesus F. Christ on a stick, I hate this show. I hate Nancy Grace. I hate her hair. But most of all, I hate that this program takes tiny pieces of evidence and makes it out to be the biggest news story on the face of the planet. Okay, I understand a little hyperbole sells now and then, but this woman is the absolute queen of outrageous hyperbole. And she acts so fucking smug about it, too! And it really irritates the piss out of me when she invites people on her show, then doesn't let them talk. She just talks over and interrupts them unless they agree with her. This is not a show for CNN, which should be a respectable news channel. This is a show for FOX late at night when no one's watching. It's like a kook on a cable access channel got a shitload of money for sets and bad wigs. WHAT A NIGHTMARE.

3. People who think they can fool me. NO ONE CAN FOOL ME. FOR I AM THE FOOL.

I try really hard not to get too excited. . .

2008-08-13T15:27:00.001-05:00

But sometimes I can't help it, especially when it comes to movies. For instance, I'm trying very hard to maintain composure regarding Watchmen, but when I see things like this:

I get a little giddy with the silly-happy. I swear, I don't know if I can last sometimes. I didn't even get this stupid about The Dark Knight, and I'm a Batman junkie. Part of it may be the teaser trailer, found here. It's been a while since a teaser trailer has really jammed itself in my craw.

Today's Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Moment of the Day

2008-08-12T11:04:00.000-05:00

On the way to work, I saw two Amish people do a Chinese fire drill alongside the highway.

Sometimes, things just go your way

2008-08-08T12:13:00.001-05:00

Or they go my way, as shown in the following case.

A couple of days ago, I was looking at three upcoming bills that were due two and three days before my next paydate.

Hey, is "paydate" one word that I just made up, or is it supposed to be two separate words? I tend to forget. Anyhow. . .

So was looking at these bills and thinking to myself, "do I want to risk sending these bills in on time, but with bad checks? or do I want to send them in a little late but with good checks?" I like paying bills on time, you see, but I also like paying them with money I know I already have. I realize that companies tend to give you grace days on bills, but I don't like to use them.

The point is, I was getting stressed. I wondered, "why don't companies just make your bills due on your paydate, like a payday loan?" but then I realized that payday loans don't even fall on your paydate at some payday loan companies. They're just due every two weeks, regardless. I know this information, because I myself work for a payday loan company. Sometimes, it's a kick-ass job. More often than not, however, it's a PITA.

But I digress. The point really is, the very same day I was stressing about bills, I find out that I have a $750 check for mileage waiting to be deposited into my account. It seems that, yet again, I fall into a pile of horseshit and come out smelling like a pretty lady. This happens to me a lot. I'm certainly not going to complain about it; quite the contrary.

I took myself and a friend out for a shopping spree. I got her some belated birthday gifts, and some cool shit for myself as well, and I paid my bills before they were due. In other words, once again, I am pretty much awesome.

Guys, I have a lot of blogs. It's time to bring them all home.

2008-08-07T17:17:00.000-05:00

I'm getting frustrated with blogs. In fact, the word itself makes me cringe a little. I think it's because everyone has one, and no one respects them. What's to respect? It's just faceless people on the Internet gibbering about shit that isn't important to anyone but them and maybe a handful of other people. It's like an inside joke--why talk about it in public when no one else is gonna understand it?

That said, here's another blog. I don't have a plan for it, unless "taking the world by storm" is a plan. That's more of a "thing that just happens." You can't account for three things: taste, weather and things that just happen. Wait. I guess I lied. My plan for this blog is to eliminate other blogs I've had in the past and incorporate them all into one place.

I knew there was a plan.