Is it so sad?

Is it so sad for me to eat dinner in a restaurant alone? Apparently, people at restaurants think it is.

This is not the first time I've been given pity looks when I am eating alone. Tonight, it was Cracker Barrel, a fitting name, since I only ever see white people eat there. That's not to say that any other race doesn't eat there, it's just that I never see 'em. Anyhow, this is about me. Eating alone. Getting pity looks from the hostess when she asks "How many?" Am I the only person who ever eats alone? I guess so.

It happened once before at a Denny's. When I told the hostess, "One, please," she even said "Really?" before catching herself in her incredulousness. I wanted to be rude, but I couldn't, because I was absofuckingloutely gobsmacked. I gave the waitress a good tip, though, because she was friendly and didn't treat me like some poor soul whose date stood her up or something.

Another time this happened, I was at the theater to see Grindhouse. This story is actually funnier than the other two. I was waiting in my seat for the show to start, and this lady with her two dude-pals sat next to me. Right away, she turned to me and asked me if I was alone. I said that I was. She said, "Oh, honey, that's so sad! All alone at the theater, no man to take you out." I replied that, in fact, all of my friends were either out of town or working and there was just no one to go to the movies with. She nodded and gave me a quiet "mmm-hmm" in understanding. Had she said only that to me for the whole night, I would have lumped it in with the sad stories. However, during the big reveal of a certain actor in Grindhouse, she turned to me, nudged my arm and said in a loud whisper "Bruce Willis, MMM-HMM!" That made my night, as well as the fact that she wished me a good night when the movie was over.

Why can't everyone be more like Bruce Willis Lady? Just. . .let me be alone at the theater or at the restaurant, enjoying myself with my favorite person.

Rant of the Day

Guys, here is what is currently bothering me:

1. Call back ringtones. This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of in my entire life. No, I don't want to "please enjoy the music while my party is reached," only to hear the first 30 seconds of "Souljah Boy" over and over. I don't like your goddamn music, and I would never be so presumptuous to force anyone to listen to a song I like. And why put a song YOU like as your call back ringtone? Do you call yourself all the time and think "man, I picked an awesome song for other people to have to sit through while they try to call me"? Ma-hell no! If I had a call back ringtone, I would make it Harry Nilsson's "You're Breaking My Heart." If you don't know the lyrics, look them up. I think you will find them quite fitting.

2. Nancy Grace. Jesus F. Christ on a stick, I hate this show. I hate Nancy Grace. I hate her hair. But most of all, I hate that this program takes tiny pieces of evidence and makes it out to be the biggest news story on the face of the planet. Okay, I understand a little hyperbole sells now and then, but this woman is the absolute queen of outrageous hyperbole. And she acts so fucking smug about it, too! And it really irritates the piss out of me when she invites people on her show, then doesn't let them talk. She just talks over and interrupts them unless they agree with her. This is not a show for CNN, which should be a respectable news channel. This is a show for FOX late at night when no one's watching. It's like a kook on a cable access channel got a shitload of money for sets and bad wigs. WHAT A NIGHTMARE.

3. People who think they can fool me. NO ONE CAN FOOL ME. FOR I AM THE FOOL.

I try really hard not to get too excited. . .

But sometimes I can't help it, especially when it comes to movies. For instance, I'm trying very hard to maintain composure regarding Watchmen, but when I see things like this:



I get a little giddy with the silly-happy. I swear, I don't know if I can last sometimes. I didn't even get this stupid about The Dark Knight, and I'm a Batman junkie. Part of it may be the teaser trailer, found here. It's been a while since a teaser trailer has really jammed itself in my craw.

Today's Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Moment of the Day

On the way to work, I saw two Amish people do a Chinese fire drill alongside the highway.

Sometimes, things just go your way

Or they go my way, as shown in the following case.

A couple of days ago, I was looking at three upcoming bills that were due two and three days before my next paydate.

Hey, is "paydate" one word that I just made up, or is it supposed to be two separate words? I tend to forget. Anyhow. . .

So was looking at these bills and thinking to myself, "do I want to risk sending these bills in on time, but with bad checks? or do I want to send them in a little late but with good checks?" I like paying bills on time, you see, but I also like paying them with money I know I already have. I realize that companies tend to give you grace days on bills, but I don't like to use them.

The point is, I was getting stressed. I wondered, "why don't companies just make your bills due on your paydate, like a payday loan?" but then I realized that payday loans don't even fall on your paydate at some payday loan companies. They're just due every two weeks, regardless. I know this information, because I myself work for a payday loan company. Sometimes, it's a kick-ass job. More often than not, however, it's a PITA.

But I digress. The point really is, the very same day I was stressing about bills, I find out that I have a $750 check for mileage waiting to be deposited into my account. It seems that, yet again, I fall into a pile of horseshit and come out smelling like a pretty lady. This happens to me a lot. I'm certainly not going to complain about it; quite the contrary.

I took myself and a friend out for a shopping spree. I got her some belated birthday gifts, and some cool shit for myself as well, and I paid my bills before they were due. In other words, once again, I am pretty much awesome.

Guys, I have a lot of blogs. It's time to bring them all home.

I'm getting frustrated with blogs. In fact, the word itself makes me cringe a little. I think it's because everyone has one, and no one respects them. What's to respect? It's just faceless people on the Internet gibbering about shit that isn't important to anyone but them and maybe a handful of other people. It's like an inside joke--why talk about it in public when no one else is gonna understand it?

That said, here's another blog. I don't have a plan for it, unless "taking the world by storm" is a plan. That's more of a "thing that just happens." You can't account for three things: taste, weather and things that just happen. Wait. I guess I lied. My plan for this blog is to eliminate other blogs I've had in the past and incorporate them all into one place.

I knew there was a plan.