they go for miles on end and sometimes my head will ache because i can't stop them enough to grab them and touch them and it makes me want to cry or sleep.
i think of films i've seen and books i've read and christmas and music and even the carpet sometimes. why isn't it cleaner? why am i lazy about the whole vacuum situation? does that mean i am defective in some miniscule way?
ugh. i want to maybe let my eyes fall out of my skull, because that is how it feels to have these thoughts that run on forever. i think my back is hurting too. maybe it is tired. maybe i should lie down and let everything slip away into some black void-a-ma-jig. but then i realize that my hair would be messed up and for some reason this will keep me awake until midnight. then i can't take it anymore and my eyes force me to sleep and i try to fight it and be angry about it but i just can't can't can't stay awake.
i think i need to just not go anywhere or do anything, but i always have places to go and things to do. it sounds lame to say no.