Hay guize!

I am proud to have made my first post over at WildClaw Theatre's Blood Radio. It's a happenin' hub for all things horror: not just film, but stage productions (something WildClaw simply excels at), books, art, events (mostly in the Chicago area, heads up on that, but also horror conventions and gatherings) and a host of other great schtuffs. So get yo' ass over there and check it out, and don't just do it because I'm the newest contributor to the site!*

*but you better, or I'll bust up your face.

Doubling Down: A KFC Adventure

Well, folks. Someone out there has to take one for the team, and why not me? Today's adventure is the Double Down from KFC.

I first heard about KFC's latest abomination a couple weeks ago, when they revealed that yes indeed they were legitimately going to be selling the sandwich made of two boneless chicken breast fillets, pepper jack cheese, two strips of bacon and something called the "Colonel's Sauce." Ew.

In retrospect, I should have gotten just the sandwich, if one can call it that, and not the combo meal, which includes a drink and potato wedges. My problem with many combo meals is that I eat the fries first, because I hate cold fries. Mistake! Big mistake! This slip-up almost done me in.

When I got home, I opened the box containing the abomination. There sat the Double Down, in a thin layer of grease. It looks like a dare. It smells like a dare. It tastes like the USA. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're fat. USA! USA! USA!

The sandwich itself is tasty and meaty. It could actually use a little more cheese, because the pepper jack provides a spiciness to the overall package. Also, and this goes without saying, there could be a little more bacon. Two tiny strips get lost in all that chicken. Four strips would probably be perfect. The "Colonel's Sauce" is a complete mystery, and should probably remain that way. I can't tell if it adds anything or not.

The first couple bites were "handheld," but the sandwich is rather large and greasy, so sadly I had to resort to a knife and fork method. This doesn't take anything away from the experience, aside from having to use less napkins/paper towels. Knife and fork = better for the environment. Also, you get a better-looking cross section of the thing.

About 3/4ths of the way through, I noticed a rumbling in my gut area, and had to pause to take an urgent bathroom break and have a personal double-down. After a walk around the apartment and a few more sips of Pepsi, it was back to the abomination.

All in all, it took about an hour to complete the Double Down, which is about what I expected. There was no way for me to plow into a sandwich of this magnitude. I feel pretty good about completing it, but that may be calling the putt early. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, call the authorities. I love you all, and it's been a wild ride.

Peace.

One Lovely Blog!

Man, here's a kick in the pants: I found out today that I've been awarded the 'One Lovely Blog' award by Brian Soloman, who runs the totally kick-ass Vault of Horror. The award is sort of like a pay-it-forward award, in that you can in turn pass it along to a fellow blogger or bloggers. NEAT! So, I got that going for me. Thanks B-Sol, you are a Righteous Dude! Now, if I can only figure out how to post the award along the side...

I'm going to pass along the award to a new project I've been involved with, Dreams in the Bitch House. It's all about horror, all written by women who love horror. We've done some podcasts, too, so check those out as well!

In other news, I haven't updated this thing since September, so here's a rundown of Crap That's Happened:

I am still gainfully employed. Same shitty job. It's getting even more tedious, though. I think the whole payday loan business is just eating at my brains like a hungry zombie. Morally, I can't swing it much more, and basically I'm just filling a spot here until my lease runs up. Then it's the sweet taste of freedom!

All major holidays, including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's were pleasant and filled with friends, family and loved ones. No major injuries; well done, everyone.

I GOT ROCK BAND FUCK YEAH. Now I can play the drums to my heart's content, neighbors be damned. I think I got the easy level pretty much under my thumb, now it's a matter of tackling medium. That shit is tricky, so much love to real drummers who can hit the footpedal, toms, and cymbals at the same time. Also, when I was learning some of the songs, I'm pretty sure I heard Bun E. Carlos and Neal Peart spinning in their graves.* Oof.

In a related note, I have an XBox 360 now. What does one do with that besides play ROCK BAND? I don't know. I don't have a dick to put in it, so I guess me and the XBox are at an impasse until further notice.

Welp, I guess that's it for now. I am on Twitter and Facebook, so you can find me there. Be sure to let me know how you found me, otherwise I'll probably reject your fool ass from being a friend.

* JOKE. They aren't dead as of this writing.

I've been on a major Peter Gabriel kick of late

There are few performers to whom I can listen to their entire body of work over and over. One is, of course, The Beatles. Everyone loves The Beatles, sometimes to the point where everyone hates them, if that makes sense. Another is Genesis, which leads me to my latest musical obsession: Peter Gabriel. I've been obsessed for a while, don't get me wrong. When I was a kid, like a lot of people, I really dug "Sledgehammer" and "Big Time," probably because the videos were just so iconic and back then music and videos went hand in hand.

But in college, I picked up Shaking The Tree, which is one of Gabriel's greatest hits compilations. One of the first songs that struck me on the CD was "San Jacinto." It absolutely haunted me; it's a song that resonates as both quite simple yet alarmingly complex. "Red Rain," "Mercy Street," and the chilling "Family Snapshot" also captured my interest. At that time, his albums were being remastered and re-released on CD, so I grabbed them when I could. A whole new musical world was opened to me. I even used his song about Steven Biko in a class presentation about South Africa and apartheid.

I also credit my love of Gabriel, and of early Genesis, to my friend Matt. He was incredibly generous and gave me copies of every Genesis CD from the Gabriel years. He also took me to see a Genesis tribute band called The Musical Box, when they performed in entirety The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway. It was intense and thrilling, although I recall the drive home being long and exhausting. But it was another door opening to me.

I finally got around to uploading all my Gabriel CDs to iTunes, revisiting them after a few years. His first album still has shades of his work with Genesis tinging the edges, but it shows a wide variety of styles. His second album is not as accessible, which may be partially due to the album's producer, Robert Fripp of King Crimson. It's a lot of weird. But on his third album, he completely comes into his own. It's cohesion in audible form. His fourth, known as Security in the U.S., works very well as a follow-up to the previous album. So, his most commercially recognizable record, may sound like a sell-out to some fans, but it has some highlights aside from the singles. Us is a harder album to enjoy from start to finish, probably just for serious fans only (like his second album). Up is remarkably good and marks a return to his earlier sound.

Right now I'm listening to his live album from 1982. I would have loved to have seen him perform back then. He is one of those rare artists who sounds as good on stage as he does in the studio. A lot of people pass him off as just another artist from the 1980s, but his music is timeless to me. It sounds just as fresh as it probably did to people listening for the first time in the late 1970s and early 1980s. If people ever ask me for music recommendations, I tell them they have to own his third album. It's the perfect launch into a remarkable musical artist.

Wisdom from alt.slack

"I like friends who have enough respect for me to keep their goddamned distance."

That comes from Rev. Susie The Floozie's ex-husband.

I like that. A lot.

Three strange things I've recently remembered

One: I once went to a house party for Arbonne, and the girl who was selling the products told us that we should all be having three poops a day because each time we eat, it should push the previous meal out of our bodies. Thankfully, two medical professionals were on the scene to correct this poor girl.

Two: A former schoolmate of mine went missing shortly after we were out of high school. I think they found his body days later. It was as if he'd gone out walking along the creek, in the woods, and just died.

Three: My brother and I videotaped the neighbor kid and his friends smashing up some electronics in the driveway. While this alone wasn't particularly funny, the fact that we were listening to Genesis' "No Son Of Mine" and that their movements seemed to sync up with the song made it hilarious.

It's Thursday! Not Wednesday!

I swear, sometimes I think I am stuck in some kind of time loop. Last week, on Wednesday at around 3:30 pm, I realized that it was actually Thursday, not Wednesday. It freaked me out for two reasons: one, I became incredibly disoriented; and two, I didn't find out it was Thursday until 3:30 pm. 3:30 pm! The day is almost over at that point! I scrambled to think of how many times I'd told people it was Wednesday, only to have them wonder if I was feeling okay.

And today, it happened again! On the drive to work, I was thinking, "I can't believe it's only Wednesday. This week sure seems awfully long," when I passed an air quality sign that said "Thursday's Air Quality: Green." I almost stopped the car on the highway. Again? Again?! Am I causing a time shift somehow? Or am I experiencing some sort of mental breakdown? I would hope that it isn't the latter, although if I suggest it's the former to people, they're going to assume it's the latter anyhow.

Today's Final Thought

I hate it when the Internet is acting up. All I wanted to do was visit either XTube or Lush Stories to get a little porn fix for the night (what? Girls masturbate, too!) but nooooooo. And now that the Internet's working properly, the moment has passed and I'm not in the mood.

On second thought...

Now on blip.fm!

You can now find me on the Twitter-like music site blip.fm. My DJ profile is http://blip.fm/annadynamite.

In other news, I have a couple more reviews on Cult Reviews available to read. My page there is http://www.cultreviews.com/author/anna-mckibben/.

As usual, I am on alt.slack (http://groups.google.com/group/alt.slack/topics) as Rev. Anna Dynamite, and on IMDb as annamae3. I tend to stick to the Horror Boards there (http://www.imdb.com/board/bd0000024/threads/).

I'm pretty proud of myself, yes.

I figured out the Mario Bros. theme song on my cell phone. Figured it out all by myself during a long day at work. It goes like this:

6664681-6412321-14675-642321

Now, it isn't perfect, because there isn't a full range of tones on a cell phone, but if you set your key tones to either piano or xylophone, it should work. Admittedly, this is kind of sad, but what else am I going to do for eight hours? Save the world?

This shouldn't be as funny as it is (Joker/Boner)

Being a fan of many things Batman, I recently picked up a copy of The Joker: The Greatest Stories Ever Told. As the title might lead you to believe, it's a trade paperback collection of Batman comix featuring The Joker.

One story in particular, "Joker's Comedy of Errors," features the gross overusage of the word 'boner,' in this case meaning 'error' or 'blunder.' However, in this day and age, the word 'boner' implies something a little more. . .well. You should know.

Anyways, here are some of the best lines of dialogue from this tale. Read them and try not to weep with laughter:

Gotham Bulletin headline: "Joker Pulls Boner of the Year!!"

"So! They laugh at my boner, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!"

"This emphasis on boners has given me an idea for a new adventure in crime! Gotham City will rue the day it mentioned the word boner!"

Gotham Gazette headline: "Stung By His Boner, Joker Lashes Back!"

"Soon, Batman will make the boner of the year!"

"What does he mean, Bruce? How can he force you into a boner?"

"And I'm worried about the boner he's readying for you!"

"It is well that I am ready to trick him into his boner!"

"You were so busy forcing me into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!"

Rick Roll Timeline

I have created the Rick Roll Timeline, but since the picture I post here will be tiny, I'll just give the outline:

--First rick-roll; people think it's funny
--Rick-rolling goes apeshit; unknown links are rendered virtually unclickable
--Rick-roll gets mention in major newspapers
--Rick-rolling declared "uncool" by Internet community
--Rick-rolling becomes media darling, earning time on VH1s Viral Video Countdown
--Rick-rolling makes comeback in ironic form
--Resurgence of rick-rolling causes mass riots and looting; end of world.

Thoughts on the Saw franchise, thus far

I'm not normally one for film series, especially if they go for more than three entries. To me, it becomes tedious, like a trial, to have to sit through story after story after story. Just finish the damn thing already. Now, I know no one forces me to watch these movies, but I'm the type of person who, once I start something, I tend to want to finish it, even if it kills me.

No genre is better at milking a franchise for all it is worth than the horror genre. To date there are eleven Friday the 13th movies, eight Nightmare on Elm Street movies, and eight Halloween moves (counting the third installment, which broke from the Michael Myers canon, and not counting the apparent relaunch of the series by Rob Zombie). There are also more than enough in the Hellraiser cycle. Admittedly, these are series that I don't feel obligated to finish. The first and eighth Jason movies, the first and seventh Freddy movies, and the first two Michael Myers movies were good enough for me. Those series just keep finding ways to not kill off the bad guys, and it becomes very tiresome after a while.

On the flip side, though, the Saw franchise has found a way to break the mold of constantly reviving the same antagonist, by eventually replacing the antagonist with a new character. This leads to the logical conclusion that the Saw series MAY NEVER END. Good lord.

The first installment in the Saw series was a decent and somewhat innovative take on the crime thriller genre. Despite what people say after the fact, the twist ending is something that was quite surprising. I certainly did not expect Jigsaw to be the guy who was "dead" on the bathroom floor. Saw II had an equally interesting twist; it also continued the temporal manipulation concept from the first film. In the first film, some of what we think are flashbacks are actually events that occur concurrently with the bathroom scenes. Similarly, in Saw II, what we think are two plots happening at the same time are actually not.

The third installment is a let down, especially after how good the second one is. I had zero emotional attachment to the characters, particularly the main protagonist. I simply did not care, and only thought of it as a way to get to the fourth film. Saw IV shows marked improvement over the previous entry, but doesn't compare to the first two. Apparently there are two more installments slated, with Saw V being released this year. Part of me hopes that the fifth entry is at least as good as the fourth, and that by the sixth the story is wrapped up.

However, if by the time I die, we're on Saw XLV, I wouldn't be surprised. I would just be bored.

I try really hard not to get too excited. . .

But sometimes I can't help it, especially when it comes to movies. For instance, I'm trying very hard to maintain composure regarding Watchmen, but when I see things like this:



I get a little giddy with the silly-happy. I swear, I don't know if I can last sometimes. I didn't even get this stupid about The Dark Knight, and I'm a Batman junkie. Part of it may be the teaser trailer, found here. It's been a while since a teaser trailer has really jammed itself in my craw.

Sometimes, things just go your way

Or they go my way, as shown in the following case.

A couple of days ago, I was looking at three upcoming bills that were due two and three days before my next paydate.

Hey, is "paydate" one word that I just made up, or is it supposed to be two separate words? I tend to forget. Anyhow. . .

So was looking at these bills and thinking to myself, "do I want to risk sending these bills in on time, but with bad checks? or do I want to send them in a little late but with good checks?" I like paying bills on time, you see, but I also like paying them with money I know I already have. I realize that companies tend to give you grace days on bills, but I don't like to use them.

The point is, I was getting stressed. I wondered, "why don't companies just make your bills due on your paydate, like a payday loan?" but then I realized that payday loans don't even fall on your paydate at some payday loan companies. They're just due every two weeks, regardless. I know this information, because I myself work for a payday loan company. Sometimes, it's a kick-ass job. More often than not, however, it's a PITA.

But I digress. The point really is, the very same day I was stressing about bills, I find out that I have a $750 check for mileage waiting to be deposited into my account. It seems that, yet again, I fall into a pile of horseshit and come out smelling like a pretty lady. This happens to me a lot. I'm certainly not going to complain about it; quite the contrary.

I took myself and a friend out for a shopping spree. I got her some belated birthday gifts, and some cool shit for myself as well, and I paid my bills before they were due. In other words, once again, I am pretty much awesome.