Doubling Down: A KFC Adventure

Well, folks. Someone out there has to take one for the team, and why not me? Today's adventure is the Double Down from KFC.

I first heard about KFC's latest abomination a couple weeks ago, when they revealed that yes indeed they were legitimately going to be selling the sandwich made of two boneless chicken breast fillets, pepper jack cheese, two strips of bacon and something called the "Colonel's Sauce." Ew.

In retrospect, I should have gotten just the sandwich, if one can call it that, and not the combo meal, which includes a drink and potato wedges. My problem with many combo meals is that I eat the fries first, because I hate cold fries. Mistake! Big mistake! This slip-up almost done me in.

When I got home, I opened the box containing the abomination. There sat the Double Down, in a thin layer of grease. It looks like a dare. It smells like a dare. It tastes like the USA. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're fat. USA! USA! USA!

The sandwich itself is tasty and meaty. It could actually use a little more cheese, because the pepper jack provides a spiciness to the overall package. Also, and this goes without saying, there could be a little more bacon. Two tiny strips get lost in all that chicken. Four strips would probably be perfect. The "Colonel's Sauce" is a complete mystery, and should probably remain that way. I can't tell if it adds anything or not.

The first couple bites were "handheld," but the sandwich is rather large and greasy, so sadly I had to resort to a knife and fork method. This doesn't take anything away from the experience, aside from having to use less napkins/paper towels. Knife and fork = better for the environment. Also, you get a better-looking cross section of the thing.

About 3/4ths of the way through, I noticed a rumbling in my gut area, and had to pause to take an urgent bathroom break and have a personal double-down. After a walk around the apartment and a few more sips of Pepsi, it was back to the abomination.

All in all, it took about an hour to complete the Double Down, which is about what I expected. There was no way for me to plow into a sandwich of this magnitude. I feel pretty good about completing it, but that may be calling the putt early. If you don't hear from me tomorrow, call the authorities. I love you all, and it's been a wild ride.

Peace.

Rant about dumbfuck people who don't listen

I am sick and tired of people who do not listen when I speak. When I tell you the four requirements to take out a loan, don't give me three of them and expect that I'll give you the loan on the understanding that you'll bring me that fourth piece of information when you feel like it. That is not how this works.

Also, when I ask you to provide further information for me to process your loan, you can either comply politely, or get the fuck out. The more attitude you give me, the less willing I am to help you. If your bank statement shows that your account has been overdrawn for more than 60 days straight, I am going to need a letter or document from the bank showing that your account is still open. Most banks can close your account if it has been overdrawn for 30 days straight, so I'm just ensuring that you are not trying to take out a loan on an account that is closed and that I cannot collect on should it get sent to the bank.

If I ask for something and say that you need to have it with you to originate a loan, you better have it with you. Don't sass me, don't say you'll provide it later, don't give me any fucking attitude about it, or I will find a way to turn you down for this loan. I don't have to play nice if you won't do me the same courtesy.

Thoughts I would like to share about the Duggar family

If you're not familiar with the Duggar family, please visit this page first. After that, please go here and here to see and hear my thoughts on this matter.

Thank you.

This shouldn't be as funny as it is (Joker/Boner)

Being a fan of many things Batman, I recently picked up a copy of The Joker: The Greatest Stories Ever Told. As the title might lead you to believe, it's a trade paperback collection of Batman comix featuring The Joker.

One story in particular, "Joker's Comedy of Errors," features the gross overusage of the word 'boner,' in this case meaning 'error' or 'blunder.' However, in this day and age, the word 'boner' implies something a little more. . .well. You should know.

Anyways, here are some of the best lines of dialogue from this tale. Read them and try not to weep with laughter:

Gotham Bulletin headline: "Joker Pulls Boner of the Year!!"

"So! They laugh at my boner, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!"

"This emphasis on boners has given me an idea for a new adventure in crime! Gotham City will rue the day it mentioned the word boner!"

Gotham Gazette headline: "Stung By His Boner, Joker Lashes Back!"

"Soon, Batman will make the boner of the year!"

"What does he mean, Bruce? How can he force you into a boner?"

"And I'm worried about the boner he's readying for you!"

"It is well that I am ready to trick him into his boner!"

"You were so busy forcing me into a boner, you forgot you were committing one yourself!"

I try really hard not to get too excited. . .

But sometimes I can't help it, especially when it comes to movies. For instance, I'm trying very hard to maintain composure regarding Watchmen, but when I see things like this:



I get a little giddy with the silly-happy. I swear, I don't know if I can last sometimes. I didn't even get this stupid about The Dark Knight, and I'm a Batman junkie. Part of it may be the teaser trailer, found here. It's been a while since a teaser trailer has really jammed itself in my craw.