30 July 2009

I sleep a lot

The last two evenings, I've come home from work and slept for two and three hours. That wouldn't be so bad if I were home at five in the evening, but I get home around seven. Sleeping until ten, just to go to bed an hour later, doesn't seem quite healthy to me. The last time I did this, that I can remember, is when I was a teenager. I would come home from school at about three, sleep until seven, eat dinner, then go back to bed about an hour later. But teenagers need more sleep, because they are growing and changing.

Anyhow...it's just weird. If I plan on napping, I think I better set an alarm.

28 July 2009

Three strange things I've recently remembered

One: I once went to a house party for Arbonne, and the girl who was selling the products told us that we should all be having three poops a day because each time we eat, it should push the previous meal out of our bodies. Thankfully, two medical professionals were on the scene to correct this poor girl.

Two: A former schoolmate of mine went missing shortly after we were out of high school. I think they found his body days later. It was as if he'd gone out walking along the creek, in the woods, and just died.

Three: My brother and I videotaped the neighbor kid and his friends smashing up some electronics in the driveway. While this alone wasn't particularly funny, the fact that we were listening to Genesis' "No Son Of Mine" and that their movements seemed to sync up with the song made it hilarious.

24 July 2009


Lord save me, I started an account with Twitter. Username: pplsfrontjudea. I don't even know what I'll be doing with it, but there you are.


I long for a day when all we need to discuss are human rights. I know this is a pipe dream, but I wish we were in a world where we didn't have to specify between groups of people, but rather where we could say "you are a human, so you deserve to be happy, healthy and safe" and that would be all. The world is a rainbow and there is so much diversity to be recognized, but at the core we are all flesh and blood and we all deserve equal treatment. It shouldn't matter what shade your skin is, or what your body looks like, or who you sleep with or fall in love with, or what your bank account balance is, or who you are on the inside or the outside. We are all breathing, alive, human.

Life. Liberty. The pursuit of happiness. It can't be any clearer than that.

The long road in working towards this goal is still ahead of us. There are so many challenges to face. It isn't going to be easy to get to this place, and we probably won't see it in our lifetime. But that doesn't mean anyone should give up trying. The easiest way to start is to look at every person you encounter as just that: a person. Not as a black person or a white person but a person. Not as a gay person or a straight person. Not as rich or poor, heavy or thin, even male or female. That doesn't mean to forget or cast aside that part of the person, but to look at them primarily as a fellow human, no greater or lesser than you.

I know this all sounds terribly naive. It is. But it's something I think about every now and then. I like the idea of breaking down boxes and compartments and getting everyone on the same level. I hope this also isn't taken as a "let's remove everything special and unique about ourselves and become faceless drones" message, either. I'm just thinking of a place where people aren't judged on their looks or their status, but on their hearts and deeds.


23 July 2009

Eating habits die hard

I have terrible eating habits. Simply atrocious. It's always been this way for me, though. I was a picky eater as a child. Then it was discovered that I have problems with hypoglycemia, which means that I'll likely become a diabetic. I've never been one to follow the 'three meals a day' plan; rather, I prefer to pick and nibble throughout the day, which has actually become a recommended way to eat (I think the standard is six small meals). But what I choose to eat is usually just awful. Today, for example, I had the following:

One blueberry toaster waffle
A banana
Two paper coffee filters worth of cheesy poofs
Three or four small cups of crapple (cranberry apple) juice
Pretzel snaps dipped in extra chunky peanut butter
44 oz. frozen cappuccino from the gas station

Later on, I'll probably end up having a bowl of salad and an apple. It doesn't sound completely terrible, but it just doesn't seem that healthy to me. This is actually the best I've eaten in a while, so bad example.

Many days, I end up eating nothing for breakfast, having a late lunch consisting of a Banquet frozen dinner and then maybe a pop tart for dinner. Emphasis on 'maybe,' there. This is probably the worst thing I can do for my body. I know I have to change it up, but I get stuck in food ruts and find it hard to get out of them. Like with the Banquet meals; they're ten-for-ten most of the time, so it's easy to buy a bunch of them to have for lunches, and it's easier than dealing with leftovers (when and if I ever have them).

I'm not much of a cook at this point, although if I just put some effort into it, I could be. I even have easy-to-follow cookbooks, one of which is totally suited towards someone like me. It's a five-ingredient cookbook, meaning all the recipes only have five or less ingredients to them. And all the ingredients are easy to find in your average supermarket. I just don't know what my problem is.

On the topic of virginity

Recently, I posted a quiz result on Facebook that was based on the old slumber party game of Truth or Dare. The instructions were to either choose 'truth' or 'dare,' and then post the result on your profile. In your result are ten questions with the instruction to answer one of them truthfully in the post. The questions were your standard fare: do you have a crush on anyone, are you a bad kisser, have you ever farted in class, and so on. The last question was a fill-in-the-blank style where you could reveal any one truth about yourself that hadn't already been asked. I mistakenly answered the nine questions as truthfully as I could -- the bad kisser one threw me, because I've only kissed two people and neither of them said I was bad to my face, so I didn't know -- and on the tenth question I replied:

"...*deep breath*...I'm a virgin..."

It felt interesting to say it in a widespread public forum, and the responses I got were varied, from general surprise to "Dibs!" (which honestly cracked me up, since it was to be expected at some point, and the friend who said it is a sweet guy who means no harm) to "I'm a virgin, too." But the response that got me thinking the most was that virginity is bullshit. I agree to some extent. For myself, it doesn't matter anymore, although I sometimes wonder if I hold out much longer that the idea of what sex is in my mind will be far better than the actual act itself. I hope that made sense.

Anyhow, for many people, the idea that virginity is bullshit does not hold true. It is still a relatively important concept, particularly to those who believe that sex should be saved for marriage. I certainly cannot discount that as invalid, because it is a truth for someone else. I don't necessarily believe in it, clearly, but I also can't claim that it's bullshit. The myth of virginity or the concept of it is going to be different for every person. However, for my friend who says that virginity is bullshit, that is a truth for her, and I also can't discount that.

The whole point for me is this: I am a virgin. Is this a big deal? Not particularly. But it is a part of my life in some respect so it can't necessarily be thrown aside as just bullshit. It invokes a lot of questions about how I treat relationships and intimacy. The floor is now open for discussion.

It's Thursday! Not Wednesday!

I swear, sometimes I think I am stuck in some kind of time loop. Last week, on Wednesday at around 3:30 pm, I realized that it was actually Thursday, not Wednesday. It freaked me out for two reasons: one, I became incredibly disoriented; and two, I didn't find out it was Thursday until 3:30 pm. 3:30 pm! The day is almost over at that point! I scrambled to think of how many times I'd told people it was Wednesday, only to have them wonder if I was feeling okay.

And today, it happened again! On the drive to work, I was thinking, "I can't believe it's only Wednesday. This week sure seems awfully long," when I passed an air quality sign that said "Thursday's Air Quality: Green." I almost stopped the car on the highway. Again? Again?! Am I causing a time shift somehow? Or am I experiencing some sort of mental breakdown? I would hope that it isn't the latter, although if I suggest it's the former to people, they're going to assume it's the latter anyhow.

22 July 2009

What is all the commotion?

Sometimes I think my upstairs neighbors like being loud just for the sake of being loud. It's not my thing. First of all, I live alone, so I don't have anyone to yell at/to. Second, I can take three steps without falling over or crashing into something. Okay, I don't know if that's exactly what they're doing up there, but it sure sounds like it. Third, when it's sexy time: a) it's just me so; b) it's not as bed-shakingly, floor squeakingly obnoxious.

I just don't get it. These aren't huge apartments. You can't tell me that it's impossible for the person/people you're living with to hear you in another room if you use a normal speaking voice. And if the other person is hard of hearing, then you can't tell me it's too hard to get up and go to that person to speak to them. Oh wait, I guess it is, since it seems you have a serious equilibrium problem.

And I'm not opposed to people having sex. But there are quiet hours here and they start around 10-10:30 pm. If you have the right to fuck like noisy animals, then I have the right to play 'Yakety Sax' at a similar volume level. Them's the rules.

The Memory Issue

Lately, I've been having noticable memory problems. For instance, today it seems that there was a specific reason I wanted to have this Saturday off, but for the life of me, I cannot remember why. I know it was something not two days ago I could remember. If you ask me what I wore on a certain day last week, I'd be unlikely to be able to tell you with any degree of accuracy. I wish I had more examples, but for the life of me, I can't even remember them. It's starting to weird me out.

Oh, I remember now...I have a dentist appointment Saturday morning at 8am. I wish I hadn't remembered that.

21 July 2009

Today's Final Thought

I hate it when the Internet is acting up. All I wanted to do was visit either XTube or Lush Stories to get a little porn fix for the night (what? Girls masturbate, too!) but nooooooo. And now that the Internet's working properly, the moment has passed and I'm not in the mood.

On second thought...

Worst Information Fishing Call Ever

Well, it seems I'm going to be a blogging/posting/updating fool today. But I couldn't resist this one: occasionally, we are asked by upper management to get information from other similar businesses. Typically, this is an attempt to undercut them in rates or fees or services offered. However, when we're asked to do this, we have to ask under the pretense that we are potential customers inquiring about services, because most companies aren't going to share that information with competitors.

I just got a call from a local competitor who not only didn't bother to block their phone number (by the way, anyone can block their number by dialing *67; I don't know if this works on a cell phone or not), but they also stated where they were calling from. They wanted to know if we cashed live checks, and how many checks a month we cash. Apparently, they only cash about twenty checks a month, so they were wondering if it's because they're doing something wrong, or if it's because of the area we're in.

Gee. I'd say if you're calling a competitor for this information, then it's probably you who is doing something wrong. Just a guess.

Ask the Loan Shark: Churning and Installment Loans

No more customers scheduled to arrive. Time for another discussion of payday loans...

Q: What is "churning"?

A: Churning is the practice of repeatedly paying off then borrowing back a loan. While it will more or less save you money opposed to refinancing two or three times, then paying off, then borrowing back, it still creates a cycle of debt that is hard to break once it gets started. Some payday loan companies force a 24- or 48-hour cool-down period before one can borrow again, but most do not. This means that if a loan is paid off, it can be taken back out immediately after. To break the habit of churning, and this can take a long time, wean yourself off the loan by borrowing less and less each time, even if you only go down by $10-25. Learn to budget your finances and make sacrifices where you can. You would be surprised to see what you can go without.

Q: What about installment loans? Are they a good idea?

A: Not at all; in fact, the interest rate on installment loans is typically much higher than on a standard payday or short-term (14 day) loan. The APY (annual percentage yield) is roughly 60-80% higher, meaning that if the APY on a payday loan is 460%, then the APY on an installment loan is likely to be 520% or more. While they sound like a good idea, because you can make six to ten even payments and be done with the loan, and you can typically borrow a higher amount than on a payday loan, they really are not. For example, on an installment loan broken down over ten payments, only a fraction of your payment actually goes to the principle. An installment loan for $1000 with ten payments of $239 means two things: one, only $100 of each payment actually goes to the principle; and two, if you pay off the loan strictly based on the scheduled payments and don't pay any extra or pay it off early, you're going to hand over a total of somewhere around $2390, more than twice what you borrowed. In other words, avoid installment loans whenever possible.

From 'The Gonzo Zombie's Film Journal': Going to the theater will never die for me

I don't think people get it anymore. I'm not saying that buying DVDs are bad, or that renting a movie is silly or any such thing. I'm just saying that people don't appreciate actually leaving the house to go to the movies anymore. Granted, it's quite expensive to see a movie in the theatre these days (somewhere around $10, without popcorn), but aren't you paying for the experience as well?

There are some movie memories that will never die: there used to be a drive-in theatre about ten miles from where I lived as a child. It's hard to accurately describe the feeling of going there to see a double-feature--there was something thrilling and scary and overwhelming about it. Something that would make my heart jump into my throat and something that felt like home as well. When you got to the drive-in and paid the $4 per person and pulled into just the right spot and set up your blanket and chairs and snacks, you just felt the summer weather go right through your body as you listened to The Temptations sing "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)" on the pole speakers and you got a chill. When it got dark enough, you'd put on the car radio to the right station and see a few previews and some ads for local businesses (much like the Acuna Boys ad in the middle of Grindhouse) and then you'd watch the first feature, usually something family-friendly. Between films, you'd go to the garish neon-lit snack bar/bathroom/projection building and beg your mom for a candy bar or some stale popcorn in those red-and-white boxes. You could see the projector in the front, grinding away, showing everyone the commercial for the Marathon car wash that was "just down the street!" and you knew that it was. As you left the snack bar, you'd always try to put your hand in front of that smoky beam of light so that everyone at the drive-in could see your tiny hand amplified on the big screen. On the way back to the car, you stopped to talk to friends and neighbors, and maybe you ran up to the old rusty swingset to get in a few good rounds before the show started back up again. Once the second feature got started, you moved into the car because it got colder and you wanted to maybe doze a little, but before you knew it, the movie was over and the car was moving, getting in line to get out, and you strained so hard to watch the credits as the big screen became so obtuse you couldn't see it anymore. You begged to keep the radio station on as long as possible so you could hear next week's features, and when the car turned away from the drive-in, you craned your neck to keep watching the screen, watching it to see just one more minute, one more second of anything on that screen. Your heart would fall back into its original position once you were out of its sight and you would drift into sleep and dreams in the car going home again.

There is absolutely nothing like that experience. I try to chase that feeling whenever I can, going to the theatre to see a movie as often as I can afford it. Sometimes I'll forget what it's like, just briefly, to see a movie on a screen so big, but then I sit in that tiny dark room and it comes back to me like a head rush and I want to cry a little. I feel a tiny thrill and my heart leaps when the movie starts and I strain to hear the projector and smell the dust in the air and taste the stale popcorn and sense that feeling of childhood suckerpunch me in the gut.

You cannot know what it is like unless you have been there, but I hope that you can catch a taste of it sometime.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': fly away home, little one

there is a time to just go home. the time is now. but then you have to come back, and i don't smoke, remember? oh my lord, i want to sleep so badly that it hurts.

rivers cuomo went to harvard. jesus christ.

in a fishbowl.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': elusive sleep and sweater cats

(Note: I really like this one for some reason.)

it takes me so long to get to sleep. there is no tossing and turning or fidgeting. it is laying still and wishing for total darkness and silence. it dances over my head like the skull on the ceiling fan. there will be little rest for me until next year. i wonder if i can hold out that long. time moves very slowly when i want something to happen.

it is 11:47 at night and i need to be in bed. but i am not in bed. i cannot be in bed. i cannot even turn on the tv. i cannot rest. i am tired and wide awake. i think maybe i have insomnia. sometimes i will not sleep until three in the morning. i have to pee because someone is using the shower.

the sweater cats are making their annual appearance again. they will be in your town soon. they have invaded the apartment. argyle is the new black. the cats are angry about it and they hiss and growl and whine. they don't want it to be that time of year.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': a bit of a rattlesnake

i think it feels really good to smoke. at least, it feels so good in my dreams. i've had dreams of smoking for the last two or maybe three years. the first of these dreams involved me searching and searching for cigarettes. i would have this dream where i was driving to the gas stations with the intent to buy, but then i would wake up before completing the sale. sometimes i would be carded and i realize i forgot my license. sometimes i wouldn't have enough money.

the next dreams would be me obtaining said cigarettes, and even opening the pack and smelling the tobacco, but something would keep me from actually lighting and smoking them. sometimes it would be that the lighter was broken, but sometimes it would be because the gas station was robbed while i was there and i had to hide behind a rack of chips. end of dream.

the more recent set of dreams finds me enjoying the cigarettes, finally. i take great pleasure from lighting and inhaling, sucking in this wonderful feeling of love and warm and peace. sometimes these dreams are so powerful that my first thought on waking up is that i need to go buy a pack of smokes so i can be as happy as i am in my dream. there have been times that i will go get gasoline for my car and have to force myself to pay at the pump because i know if i go inside i will buy cigarettes.

i have never smoked in my life. i don't plan on starting to smoke. but this urge is coiled so tightly inside me like a spring that sometimes i am so afraid that i will become a smoker and die like my grandfather.

From 'Something Poetic and Random': some days i get thoughts that run on

they go for miles on end and sometimes my head will ache because i can't stop them enough to grab them and touch them and it makes me want to cry or sleep.

i think of films i've seen and books i've read and christmas and music and even the carpet sometimes. why isn't it cleaner? why am i lazy about the whole vacuum situation? does that mean i am defective in some miniscule way?

ugh. i want to maybe let my eyes fall out of my skull, because that is how it feels to have these thoughts that run on forever. i think my back is hurting too. maybe it is tired. maybe i should lie down and let everything slip away into some black void-a-ma-jig. but then i realize that my hair would be messed up and for some reason this will keep me awake until midnight. then i can't take it anymore and my eyes force me to sleep and i try to fight it and be angry about it but i just can't can't can't stay awake.

i think i need to just not go anywhere or do anything, but i always have places to go and things to do. it sounds lame to say no.

Such a slacker I am.

Hi. Remember me? It's been a terribly long time since I've posted anything here. I decided to change the name. The url is still the same, but I was: a) tired of Bitch Snatch (it's still amusing, don't get me wrong), and b) I remembered that a former college professor once called me a demented cheerleader and it cracked me up.

It's quite true, you know. I am a demented cheerleader. I say it with a smile, even when "it" is something terribly morbid or disturbing. I think it gives me a little something extra, no?

Anyhow, I'll be importing some posts from the other blogs I have here, just so I can eventually delete the multiple blogs. They're sitting dormant anyhow.